Our Boys

Aiden and Jeremiah~

I remember you and I love you... yesterday, today, tomorrow.  Always.  You were in my arms for only moments, but I will carry you and you will live for an eternity in my heart. 

You are two amazing little boys and I am so very thankful to be your mommy.  I will forever wish that we had more time together.

But for today, I will be thankful for the time that we had.  I look forward to the day that I can hold you in my arms again.  What a glorious day that will be!

Our joys will be greater
Our love will be deeper
Our lives will be fuller
Because we shared your moment.

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I sit here and stare at the pictures of my two precious boys.  I so fully expect to be filled with grief and sadness, but instead, I just stare at the little features of their faces.  I am in awe of the beautiful lives that we created.  I admire every precious inch and curve of their face. 

I wonder what color their eyes would have been.  I wonder what their laugh or their cry would have sounded like.  So many things to wonder and dream about.  Oh, how I wish I knew the answers to these questions.  

I would give anything to have all of my boys with me- Aiden, Gavin, Gabe and Jeremiah.  I can picture it so vividly... all snuggled together on our couch.  Laughing and wrestling- just me and my boys.  It is truly a perfect image in my mind.

My heart aches.  It's not very often that I let my mind wander to these moments.  

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I have felt more today than I have in recent days... and I survived.  I smiled, I laughed and I cried.

As I was driving today, I was thinking and I realized that I have expected Jeremiah's life and death to really change who I am.  But, I am still me.  Although I may carry around a little more sadness and fear, I am still hopeful.  I still look to the future and all of its possibilities.  I still trust the Lord with all my heart and all my soul.   

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I'm trying not to fear the emotions that are within me.  God is with me and if I should fall, I know He will carry me.

Listen to this:

You Never Let Go by Matt Redman