Thursday, November 3, 2011

The nursery

Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.

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Every day, for the last three months, I have walked past the room right outside our bedroom door that was to be Jeremiah's bedroom.  It sits empty and disheveled.

In anticipation of our baby's arrival, I had already begun the nursery room transformation.  The old pictures had been taken down.  The border and shelving on the walls were removed.  Ideas were swirling in my head about how to decorate!  Although we didn't know if we were having a boy or girl, I was going to get everything ready that I could!  I knew I had time so, I was just doing bits here and there- little by little.  Enjoying every little change as it came!

Our little boy Jeremiah, was born much too soon and sadly, he will never need the room that I had begun lovingly getting ready for him.  Sweet dreams of rocking him and nursing him flash in my mind.  Moments that will never be.

Sadness and despair creeps over me everytime I walk past this room.  It's unfinished and unused space.

Over the last few weeks I have been increasingly stumbling past the nursery room- not knowing exactly what to do with it.  It's been staring me in the face and I knew that I had to do something.

The hope in my heart compelled me to move forward and finish preparing the nursery.

So, as of today, there is fresh paint on the walls and new pictures ready to be hung.

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Although I think the emptiness of the room now seems and feels even more apparent, I have, a few times, caught myself longingly dreaming and looking into the nursery and I feel a smile creep across my heart and maybe even my face.

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I don't know what the future holds and there are many days when it may seem dark but, my hand is outstretched.  And I have faith.