I remember you

Sweet baby boy,

I remember picking out your crib.

I remember watching my belly grow.
I remember finding out you were a boy.
I remember the sweet and innocent joy!

I remember you.

I remember leaking amniotic fluid.

I remember waiting in the Emergency Room.

I remember when the contractions started.

I remember being loaded into an ambulance.

I remember the lights and sirens.

I remember not understanding.

I remember hoping.

I remember praying.

I remember the tears.

I remember the blood.

I remember you.

I remember the nurse who sat at the edge of my bed.
I remember she held my hand as I began to understand.

I remember meeting with the NICU team.

I remember learning that you were just too little.

I remember asking to take one last walk with you.

I remember embracing you within my womb.

I remember being wheeled out into the fresh air.

I remember holding your daddy's hand.

I remember the flowers in bloom.

I remember you.

I remember the day turning to night.

I remember your heartbeat.

I remember my body failing.

I remember losing hope.

I remember my heartache.

I remember you.

I remember the fever.

I remember being told that it's time.

I remember holding on.

I remember my fear.

I remember being told to push.

Baby boy, I remember you.

I remember NOT pushing.

I remember refusing to let go.

I remember trying to hold on with every fiber in my being.

I remember when I could hold on no longer.

I remember.

I remember you, sweet baby boy.

I remember your tiny hands and tiny feet.

I remember your little fingers and toes.

I remember your little bottom and baby boy parts.

I remember that little tuft of hair under your bottom lip.

I remember your perfection.

I remember not ever wanting to let go.

I remember holding you.

And loving you.

And holding you.

And loving you.

My beautiful baby boy.
My first-born son.
I love you.
And I will always remember the wonderful blessing of you.

Happy 12th birthday in heaven.
Thank you for being mine.