Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Summertime moments

It has been too long since I have sat down and had the energy to focus and really reflect on all the thoughts and emotions that pour through this mind of mine on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, there have been too many emotions to try to recap but, I can remember enough to share some of the moments!  So, here’s a quick attempt to recap all that has happened in the last few months! 


It’s been a whirlwind!  We travelled out to New Jersey to meet with the amazing Dr. Davis and the staff at Kennedy Hospital to have my TVCIC surgery performed.  The surgery was a success, my recovery was a breeze and I feel so blessed that we had the knowledge and the ability to make this surgery happen.  God has been walking beside our family through all of this! 

Before surgery snuggles with my boys!
This summer we also celebrated Jeremiah's 1st birthday in heaven.  We celebrated with a picnic in the park, sent our precious little boy some balloons and then stopped by the cemetery to say hello.
Hand-in-hand, thankful for each other.
It's been a year.  A year.  Wow.  There’s still not a day that goes by that Jeremiah is not on my mind and in my heart (Aiden too).  As we celebrated and remembered Jeremiah, I couldn’t help but think back about where we were a year ago at this time and think about all that has unfolded over the last 12 months… 
Losing a child takes you to the edge of despair.  Often you feel like one little breeze is all it will take to push you over the edge.  There is an emptiness, a longing, an ache that is so large and so all-encompassing, that sometimes you just don’t know how you will carry on.   But, here I am.  I have carried on.  I must remind myself of this!  Somehow, daily, I am filled with a peace and a joy that I can only thank and praise God for!  My strength comes from Him
Don’t get me wrong, my pain is and will always be real.  My heart will forever be wounded and I will forever wish all of my boys were here on this earth with me.  But, God has filled me with the strength, peace and comfort that only He can. 
This past August, we had the pleasure of finding out that we are having… another little boy!! 
We wanted to do something fun and exciting for Gavin and Gabe (and us too!) so, we set up a fun gender reveal!  We had an envelope with the results of our ultrasound sealed inside.  We brought the envelope to the store and they opened it and then secretly filled the box with the appropriate colored balloons.  So, until we got home and opened the box, nobody knew what color of balloons were inside! 
It was such an exciting moment!  We were all thrilled to find out that we’re having Roth Baby Boy #5 join our family in a few short months!  I’ll admit, a big part of me was hoping for a little girl though!  But, I really feel like God has filled me with the gifts to raise strong, compassionate and courageous young men.  And I do so gladly! 
Maybe that little girl will be next time?  Wink, wink...


  1. Your words make me so grateful to be walking this journey with you! Thank God, thank GOD for the gifts of courage and patience. I am so excited for you and the upcoming months. Through our deep pain and loss, we found each other (and so many other beautiful mamas). Wishing you love, peace and strength!