Conflicted

I don't even know where to start with my thoughts today.  Although I've been doing a lot of thinking, my mind still feels blank.

So, I've started seeing a therapist- a much needed therapist! 

She is helping me confront feelings and thoughts that I don't necessarily want to.  She has helped me realize and helped me find the words to explain and understand that I have a huge disconnect between my head and my heart right now.  She also thinks that I have unrealistic and unfair expectations upon myself.  Hmmmm...

So, I've been trying to do a lot of reflecting, feeling and thinking this past week.

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I heard a line from a song and it said something like this: Did you ever think that maybe God gave us tears to wash away the pain?  I like that idea.  So, when tears fill my eyes, I am trying to let them fall.  I need to let my tears try to cleanse me and wash away the pain. 

In doing this, I realized something rather odd:  While I was singing and worshiping at church, tears filled my eyes and I let them fall or I should say tears filled one of my eyes and I let them fall. 

Seriously, who cries from only one eye?

Conflicted.  I think even my eyes and tears are conflicted!  But, it's a start and I'll take it~

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The hope and desire that healing will come eventually is an intense and persistent one.